Verbal Enema
Sunday, 24 February 2008
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Currently Listening
Ocean Breathes Salty
By Modest Mouse
see relatedThe Kingdom of God
There's a lot of discussion within Christian thought circles about the Kingdom of God, and just what that is. Many believe that this refers to the mass of ransomed souls returning to God after the Judgment. Others think that the Kingdom of God is the Church, and the way it tends to the poor and sick and broken of the world. I was out smoking tonight, and I realized something.
The other day, I was reading bits of the Gnostic gospels in the Nag Hammadi, and I began wondering what made these gospels any less believable than the synoptic ones. Despite what people say, many Christian scholars still aren't convinced that the gospels were necessarily written by their name-sakes. I then began to think about what an opportunity the church was missing by writing off the Apocrypha and the Nag Hammadi, and what a shame it is that so many never hear the things that so many have to say, because they believe that four books and a bunch of letter contain exhaustive information.
The fact of the matter is that you can learn something from everywhere, everyone, and everything. CS Lewis said in his famous Space Trilogy that Lucifer cannot create. Rather, he can only bend things that are good into things that are like twisted reflections (ala Plato). This is not only a good example of the fact that there are fragments of truth in everything, but also of my entire point- you who aren't Christians can still take this lesson from Lewis. Even if you don't believe there is any such being as Lucifer, you still must admit that there is truth in what Lewis says. From every thing, bent or whole, broken or true, truth can be extracted and applied.
This gets me back to my vision of the Kingdom of God. I've noticed that while nothing in the Bible or any Christian writing is entirely true in my or most anyone else's sight, one can gain bits of truth from everything. I disagree with Austin Spare on almost everything he said, but in his work The Anathema of Zos, he says something terribly true about humanity that changed my perception of us as a race. This is the Kingdom!
The meaning of life is to ask the question "What is the meaning of life?" and to find answers! Postmodernism states that all views are equally valid. This bugged me for a while before I realized that it is merely phrased wrong. The truth is, all views are equally flawed! We have never had it exactly right, and we never will, because that's not how we're made. I'm not saying there is no truth, or that we shouldn't search for it. We are made to search, and so search we must. So the Kingdom, which is described by Donald Miller as the perfect community, in which everyone is infinitely affirming and affirmed, is the mass of answers. The way to salvation, to be within this Kingdom is to answer the Question, because even if you're not right, the fragments of truth within your answer will help to guide someone else in their quest to answer the Question.
This is our meaning- to answer and then be at peace.
~Fhenkir
Friday, 15 February 2008
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Pour
You know, I'm getting a little tired. I'm getting a little tired of pouring out everything that I have in me, of doing everything I can think of, and it still isn't enough. I tired of working and working at something, putting your entire soul into something, and the recipient of all this toil merely passes on past it, almost as though it weren't there. Girls, we guys know that it's a big deal for you to feel appreciated, but (though many of you already know) some of you need to understand that it's just as important to the guy. We follow you a pursue you, according to our nature. This is what guys do- they chase after the girl that they want. But, girls (again, I know that many of you know this), YOU HAVE TO SHOW YOUR FEELINGS!! There are so many girls out there who take and take and take until the guy is empty, until he has emptied out his emotional wallet, and then you just kind of move on from there, content to have seen it, not really acknowledging it. Show some God damned emotion! PLEASE!!
Monday, 10 December 2007
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You know, the thing that I don’t get about spirituality is the sheer number of variations that there are. There are literally as many different beliefs as there are people; there is no such thing as a pan-paradigm belief system! Yet so many of these paths claim that they are the only one that has found or been shown the truth. What are we to think when looking at them and seeing the blatant lack of unity within even their own sparse ranks?
What can be said about anything, if nothing can really be said about Truth? Can it truly be that there is some deity out there, floating about demanding that we pick the correct thread from this tapestry before us? I cannot accept this. I cannot believe that a "Loving god" could be so cruel, so arrogant as to demand that we find within the mess of realities and paradigms the single thing that will guarantee us security in some life after death. This is not the action of a Deity who is love.
So... if God is love, then religion is not an act of God at all. Religion has nothing to do with God! Religion has everything to do with man! It is here that we see the trend: religion is built to sustain man, whether in this life or the next. Religion is built around the individual, or even the group! Gone are the days when man worshiped gods for their own sake, if indeed these days ever were! Now everything is built to the human and his bond with God, whatever form he may take.
But of course the devil’s advocate must speak: Is this a bad thing? Perhaps it is merely that we ought to stop half-worshiping that which we never did, and shift instead our focus to that which we truly honor and truly love! We love to worship because of how it makes us feel to be one with our gods. Wiccans work their magic to get closer to the Goddess and God, and they do this because of how it empowers them. The ceremonial magician vibrates the God Names not to show YHVH homage for his own sake, but to gain his favor and aid thereby. The Shaman drums and chants to meet with the spirits, though not because he longs to be with them, but because it is in his best interest to gain their favor!
And it isn't just the magicians! Oh no! The Christian prays for things, giving up their Will, time, money, what have you to their individually tailored god, just to receive a payout of a miracle or some other sort of divine intervention, the most selfish of these being the spiritual salvation from death! The Muslim and the Jew are no better! (I must clarify that this last statement was in no way meant to be anti-semetic, but the inclusion of Judaism in the pot of monotheistic arrogance)
Where are we to go, and where are the gods? Where is truth? And why are we so desperate to find something that probably doesn't exist anyway?
For now,
Sean
Saturday, 08 December 2007
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Upon the subect of finals and dog collars.
I have long been of the opinion that finals were of little use to anyone other than the great folks who make gentle blood thinners and the machines that seal up ulcers. Far away now are the days when a man could be a man and just walk about saying "Hey, I'm pretty cool! I work in a factory, I just lost me thumb, and I got a paycheck higher than you'd freaking believe! I think I'll go home to me sexy wife and two beautiful kids, sit down to a nice dinner, and then get so freaky it'll kill every Christian in thirty miles 'round!" Yes, LONG gone are those days. For in this time, one must have a diploma or bitchin' car to be 'pretty cool', and there is no getting freaky for any; not until large sums of money or cocaine are exchanged.
These are the days of me going on two to three hours of sleep a night for a whole week, and then getting FOURTEEN last night!! Of course upon writing that sentence it occurred to me that I've got until Tuesday to finish a very large Vis Com project AND study an entire year's worth of World Civ notes... And I may have failed OT survey, as well. It all depends on whether or not a 75.9 is a C-... I JUST CHECKED BLACKBOARD!!! IT IS A C!!! I PASSED!!!!!
ahem... Hurray.
Anyway, I've got more important things to do than clickety clack on my keyboard here. Theres 4 entire chans waiting for me to act like I'm better than everyone on them with my copious use of l337.
Wednesday, 10 October 2007
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Currently Listening
Amnesiac
By Radiohead
see relatedA Dichotomy of Self
There are several of you who have asked me in the past to extrapolate on my idea of the dichotomy between the "Group" and "Luciferian" ideas of Self. I may have some trouble making this adequately concrete, so give me some slack.
"Group Self"
The first part of the dichotomy of Self that I've come up with is that of the collective or Group Self. The best early example I have of this type would be in the Old Testament, especially in the wandering tribes of Israel. We can see in many instances the the needs and wants and hopes and dreams of the individual did not extend beyond the reach of the religious Law and usefulness to the Nation. Let's say someone really wanted to tap dance back then. We'll cal him Tappin' Bart. He comes out one day with his top hat and tappin' shoes, but instead of a stylish cane, he is handed a set of smelting tools to make swords, things for the Tabernacle, Moses bobble-heads, what have you. Tappin' Bart is a little sad, but goes to work a-smeltin', because that's just how things work in a group dynamic. Everyone works for the good of everyone, and the status quo is Law. Obviously, I don't much care for this particular paradigm, but I don't think you'll find I enjoy the opposing end of the spectrum much more.
"Luciferian Self"
The official stance of the Church of Satan on morals and such is "Do what you will. That shall be the entirety of the law." Anyone familiar with the contemporary Occult may compare this to the Wiccan Rede "An ye harm no one, do what ye will." I don't think I need to point out the obvious differences. But I will any way. The singular or Luciferian Self is based entirely upon the modern definition of that word. Whilst in the throws of the existential uncertainty that accompanied the Modernist movement, the world began to adopt the idea that Truth, instead of a concrete, singular entity, was completely relative, such that it was unreasonable, even immoral for someone to insist that their idea of Truth was the correct one. This ,along with the ever growing worship of the dark god Want and the Illusive goddess Have, led people to retreat deep within their cubicles, suburban homes, SUVs and back deck grill outs. Of course anyone who knows me at all knows that I HIGHLY value my privacy, but I know from experience that within this cloister of isolation and self exaltation, one's paradigm begins to altar, shaping around one's singular Self.
I'll show you how you can rationalize that you're God in under thirty seconds.
1. Descartes says, "I think, therefore I am." This means that, since I am aware of myself and have the capability to doubt my own existence, I can know for a fact that I exist.
2. Berkley says that we all exist as a dream of God. What we experience is only a dream.
3. Add steps one and two. It becomes clear that, since I can be certain of my own existence, yet I cannot be certain of yours since I only experience you on a sensory level, I must therefore be the one dreaming. This makes me God.
Of course I don't think I'm God. But this is the string of logic that can easily take place abstractly in a person's subconscious. This leads to a sort of self-deifications that leads to one's only priority being one's self.
The Luciferian Self is epitomized in Austin Osman Spare's book, "The Book of Pleasure", which I highly recommend not only to anyone interested in the Occult, but to anyone interested in the dichotomy I've outlined here.
So there you have the basics of my idea. I'll write about the effects this dichotomy could have on the Christian paradigm if anyone is bored enough to want to read it. ^_^
I'm gonna go sleep now.
~Sean
Sunday, 07 October 2007
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Currently Listening
Dark Passion Play
By Nightwish
see relatedAnathema
Hello, friends.
Have you ever had one of those moments or hours or days when everything that you believe in the very bottom of your soul is suddenly the inverse of what you would swear is your deepest conviction? What a whore is the heart, that it should be so passionately disloyal? But then is it the heart that runs off with dark and light so easily, or is it treason of the soul or mind? What in it is it that loves not one thing, not many, but the CHASE of many itself? Why can't the heart be satisfied with what it has? And why must the mind come in behind it whilst it lingers in lust over either and whisper its approval? Why can't the entirety of the form behave and stay in one place. If one wishes to run, shouldn't one then put shoe to road? So many people say 'Follow your heart! ... Until your heart becomes unwholesome!' What does that even mean? I understand that truth is not subjective, but neither is it objective enough or us to say anything for certain! Certainly there is something to believing, but how does one go about believing anything for certain for any stretch of time? How can one stand to worship in one temple in a city full of grand altars? What is it in truth itself that we should or could know it at all? Who is man to say what is true? Who am I to question? Man, that's who. And that's enough. Because in this age there are magicians, but no magic. There are priests, but no gods. There are humans, but no people. There are books, but no words. There are truths, but there is no Truth. Where have the gods gone? Where is Yahweh? Where is Allah? Where is Isis? Where is Vishnu? O sing a dirge for them, for they have left this land that forsook them for a god made of metal and plastic, raised numbers being its sacred runes, and accountants being its acolytes! Worship then in your temples, o Man! Make a sacrifice of your soul to these gods of paper and electrical code! Go unto the market and preach the gospel of Have! Go and leave me to sing a dirge for God, for he is dead in this land! Bear forever this anathema, Man! Bear forever the unrelenting contempt or those who knew the One you banished! Go now into your god's promised land and weep when you realize too late that you walk into a desert! Lo, then you will cry out to God to save you, but for nought, for a corpse cannot hear! Look upon the splinters of the Tree, smell the earth you have defiled with your presence and taste the blood you have drawn from your children, for it is by the death of their spirits that you live!
Sleep well, pigs. Go and feast upon the core of the Apple.
Sunday, 30 September 2007
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The following is my most recent journal for OT Survey. Give it a read and tell me it didn't make you wonder.
“If an outsider comes near [the temple and the priests], he shall be put to death.” (from 3:10) There seems to be a general flavor of condescension from Yahweh to early man as, you will find, I have previously cited on numerous occasions. It seems to me that God is protecting the people from skepticism- you know, if someone were to go near their temple, the general appearance of Yahweh would lose its sheen of grandeur and mystery. The Jews had shown on many occasions that they were in need of a tangible sort of deity (ala the golden calf, the numerous spurts of doubt betwixt miracles, etc.) and so Yahweh gave them this elaborate setup of ritual and mysticism. Of course it turns out eventually that the whole thing is essentially for looks only (ie, it is of no true metaphysical value), just as with any ceremony from the other ancient religions.
The point here, of course, is why God no longer feels that we need this sort of protection! Why have the ceremony and mysticism that once so captivated us been split into the dichotomy of the skin-deep catholic and the neo-pagan? Could it be that it is simply not for our day? And if so, then through what medium are we to experience spiritual growth and synthesis with the Father?
Now, as for the rest of the book, the first thing that I will say is that I no longer wonder why it is called Numbers. On from that, to be honest, for a while God reminds me of a young OCD boy arranging his toys. I did particularly enjoy reading about the rules of the tabernacle, the additional offerings and sacrifices, the rules for offerings, and of course the guiding of the Jews by the cloud! Of course, moving on from there, there is the all too famous story of the spies sent into Canaan, following which is what may be the most disturbing story I have encountered of God’s old nature yet.
In chapter 15, verses 32-36, a man is gathering sticks on the Sabbath, and God commands that he be killed. The congregation publicly stoned him. Later after many more laws and slaughterings, the people of Israel grow impatient with wandering aimlessly in the desert, much as I myself would, and when they complain to Moses, God sends fiery serpents among them, and they kill a good hunk of the young nation. One begins to look at all of these actions taken by God, or done because “God commanded it.” This seems to beg the question: if Abraham had just said “No thanks, I think I’ll go childless, would these obligatory ramifications of human impatience be quite so severe as they were? I’m beginning to think not.
It may be quite otherwise for some of you, but this is NOT the God I fell in love with.
Fhenkir
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- Name: Sean
- Birthday: 8/28/1987
- Gender: Male
- Member Since: 6/24/2007
About Me
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I'm an illustration major at Indiana Wesleyan University. I'm currently not of any particular faith, but I've only a couple of more missing links to find between what I'd very much like to believe and what I can bring myself to accept right now. I write a lot of music, and am the sole member of Apocrypha, which is pretty much the greatest band ever. I enjoy clean Yaoi, all kinds of anime in general (not anything like Inuyasha or Natuto. Give me a fucking break, people.) and manga. I am currently working on several books, most of which are works of fiction based on my beliefs on the effect that the triune nature of man has upon the general workings of theoretical metaphysics in the human paradigm of the post-postmodern age in which we find ourselves now. Also rambling, apparently.
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